I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
