its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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