your parents love me but you hate me
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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