my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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