butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
