I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
