mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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