i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
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