The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
