hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
