I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
