even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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