Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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