Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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