A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
