My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
