Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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