are you so shy because you have an std?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
