rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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