so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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