i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
