i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
