the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she pinky promised me she was 18
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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