i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
