my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
