So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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