ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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