He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
