I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
