Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
