Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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