Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
