My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
