Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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