yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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