umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
it hurts more in the daytime
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
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i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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