I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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