Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
