In the future we'll all be gay
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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