Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Randomize
