this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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