Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
