How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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