We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
