you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
