if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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