I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
