Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
