I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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