I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
