so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
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