i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Someone shattered a urinal.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
