i permit you to call me
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
