I skipped work to stalk him.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Randomize
