Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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