he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
