Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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