I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
