my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
as a side note pls kill me
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
