Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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