I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
