Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
