Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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