we're chasing vodka with high fives
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
