I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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