Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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