Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
