Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
