Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
