so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
