it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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