apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
