she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize