My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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