went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
