yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
