Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
