And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
