If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
