how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
When are your genitals available?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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